People Make Mistakes
by dragonpearlz
Summary: Zia, OC. takes care of Remus and Severus as they each fall ill. Then they care for her. And they all deal with past mistakes. Not the usual Zia pairing. Bunnies: Started for TG’s Birthday Challenge 2007.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Zia (my own creation) takes care of Remus and Severus as they each fall ill. This one is a bit long. It sort of took on a mind of its own.

Bunnies: Written for TG's Birthday Challenge 2007. Bunny # 8: "Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry." Bunny # 23: "Sooner or later we all quote our mothers."

Warnings: Mentioning of blood near the end.

Disclaimers: HP isn't mine, it's JKR's. The term 'Soul Healer' is SuperImmuneGirl's. Zia is my own creation.

"Come on, Remus! Aren't you ready yet?" Zia called.

Remus sniffed absentmindedly. "In a moment!" he called, as he spritzed himself with cologne and ran a comb through his hair for the umpteenth time.

"Love, you look great. Now go slay 'em," Sever said putting his hands on Remus' quivering shoulders, and placing a kiss on his head.

Remus sniffed again, and tried to settle himself. Zia worked as a researcher and liaison between the ministry of muggle artifacts and St. Mungo's hospital. Recently, she had been informed that she could hire another person – full time – on a temporary basis. She had immediately thought of Remus and was well bent on getting ghim a decent job.

"Come on Rem!' We're going to be late!" Zia paced the floor anxiously. They really had plenty of time, especially since they were using the floo system. But, she wanted to be as early as possible. Remus may be the best researcher out there, but his affliction kept people scared and him very unemployed. But, she wanted him on her team. She knew he would do the prerequisite 35 hours per week, even with his affliction. But, she knew he'd have to make some concessions – and she wasn't sure if he'd be okay with them.

"Okay, sorry for the wait."

She looked him over. 'Perfect,' she thought. He was wearing a brown suit with a red tie. He looked perfectly professional and while Zia was smiling on the outside, she was sighing on the inside. "Remus, you look great!" she said taking his hands and kissing him on the cheek.

He beamed and sniffed.

She raised an eyebrow. "You feeling okay?"

He sniffed again. "Just a sniffle."

"Rem?" Severus called wearily from the bedroom.

"I'll be right back," he told Zia, and trotted back. He came back moments later with a white silk handkerchief folded into his breast pocket. "Let's go," he said, as they stepped into the floo system.

When they emerged on the other side, Zia dusted him off. The last thing he needed was another preconceived notion working against him. She had pulled a lot of strings to get them to even entertain the notion of hiring a werewolf, and a lot was riding on this interview.

"How's Sev?" she asked as they boarded the elevator and began to ride sideways.

"Tired."

"Is he on the upswing yet?"

"No."

Zia nodded. Severus suffered from depression – something he took great pains to hide, but something she understood.

Remus sniffed again. He was nervous, and felt like he was sweating, though could feel the actual sweet. "Ker-PLEW!" The sneeze exploded out of him before it could be directed into the crook of his arm.

"Bless," Zia said quietly. "Nerves?"

He nodded and tended to his nose.

"Well don't worry. We need you – we're not going to hurt you."

Remus nodded again. But, he'd heard that line before. He wondered how much blood they'd drain this time and how much abuse he'd have to take before Zia didn't feel that he was letting her down. Not that she'd know of course, they'd hide it from her. As would he; there was no sense in her losing her job for his affliction.

Zia noticed the guarded look on his face. "Rem," she said softly, putting g her hand on his arm, "you're not in any danger here. You are under my protection."

He nodded at her and sniffed again. 'But why would she have to protect me?' he thought.

Remus sniffed nervously. He had spoken about his experiences researching and they had treated him like any other candidate. But, after the affliction question, the interview took a dramatic downhill turn.

"Do you have any affliction that would prevent you from working at any point during the month?"

He raised an eyebrow. That was one of the best ways he'd ever had that question asked, but it meant the same thing.

"I cannot work the day after the full moon," he answered honestly.

"At least not here," Zia piped in. "He is capable of working from home. I've seen him do it."

The panel of hiring managers looked at each other knowingly, and the interview deteriorated from there.

"Tom. You. The person always railing against vampire discrimination are now doing the same thing to a werewolf? Why? What's the difference?"

Remus watched as she argued with Tom – the big boss. The person who hired her. The person who could fire her. He watched her rail against him, demanding that Remus be put on her team. Deep down, he was flattered.

"Look at him sniffing," Cheyenne, the lead researcher commented haughtily. "he's probably trying to memorize our scents."

Zia forced a tickle into Remus' nose. "Hep-PLEW!" Luckily he was able to catch that one. He excused himself and quietly tended to his nose.

"Bless," Zia said. "Or, perhaps he's got a cold. You know like the one most of you had not so long ago?"

"Well, we can't have a sick werewolf here," Tom said matter of factly.

"Why? All of you came into work sick. What's the difference? It's not like he can spread his affliction the same way a cold can spread." Zia spat out the word 'affliction' like it was a bitter taste in her mouth. "He can make the prerequisite 35 hours per week – every week – one way or the other. I want him to take the empty position on my team. I take full responsibility."

Tom raised an eyebrow. "That's a lot of responsibility."

"Why?" she asked incredulously. "In case he bites someone? Hardly something I'm concerned about really."

Tom looked at Remus with a mean glint in his eye. "Mr. Lupin, it seems that you have a job. Zia will explain the particulars…including the collar."

"Yes, sir. The – what?"

"Please give me a wrist or ankle?" Zia begged.

"I will not," Tom said, rising out of his chair. "He'll get the collar."

"He's not a threat. There's no cause for it."

"Hey! I didn't want him on the team to begin with. If he's going to be here it will be by my rules."

"Yes, sir," she responded glumly.

After the panel filed out she looked at Remus. "Rem, I'm so sorry."

"HapPLEW! Hah-hePLEW! HasPlew!" Remus sneezed harshly as they stepped out of the fire and into his flat.

Severus was setting the table for dinner.

"Sev, you're up!" Remus exclaimed.

"Rem, you're sick," Severus returned.

"No, just stressed." Remus rubbed his forehead.

Zia had explained all of the particulars to him – including that he would have to wear a tracking collar, and that she would have to escort him to and from work daily. "Rem, if you don't take the job, I'll understand. I knew they'd make you wear a device – I didn't think it would be that one."

"You put your job on the line. I can't say no."

"You can. I'll get by. It's just extra money for the summer."

"What's going on?" Severus interjected.

After explaining the pay and hourly commitment, Remus explained the collar.

Severus then took a turn yelling at Zia for her idiocy and willingness to let it happen. "You knew they'd ask him to do this! You knew!" He started getting into her face and pushing her backwards.

"I did," she admitted. "But, if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to take the job!" she shouted back, pushing him away from her.

He went to grab her wrists, but she pulled away too quickly. "And if he wants the job without the collar?"

She drew her wand, and her eyes flashed with anger. "There's nothing I can do about that."

"It's not her fault Severus!" Remus yelled, stepping between them. "She fought really hard to get me the position. It's not unheard of – what they're asking. And, it is money coming in."

"Fine," Severus said, suddenly looking very tired. "Whatever you want." He coughed harshly a few times – the coughs resonating from deep within his chest. He looked as if he was going to collapse, so Remus and Zia quickly escorted him to his easy chair, where he promptly fell asleep.

The next day when Zia came to escort Remus to work, Severus was still in the chair, snoring. Remus was ready however.

"Is he going to be okay?" Zia asked, concerned, as they stepped into the fireplace. Depression was one thing, but this looked like it could quickly turn into something worse.

Remus nodded, but said nothing. The whole trip he was silent. He was fitted for his collar, and worked diligently all day, but still said nothing. Even at home, no matter how much she or Severus talked, he said nothing. It continued that way for the better part of a week. Humiliated, cared, angry, and alone, Remus retreated into himself and shut down.

Then one day it happened. "sniff Zia can I talk to you?" he asked during work.

"Certainly," she said, looking up at him, and smiling.

"HesPlew!" he blew wetly into his handkerchief.

"Bless. What's up?"

"Nobody will talk to me, and it's a problem."

"Have you tried talking to people?"

"All wee, but their terrified of me." He hung his head. He'd worked his whole life to be known as kind and gentle, but he was still being treated like a monster.

Zia smiled sympathetically. "They don't know any better, Rem. It's not you personally. You're fighting the stigma, now."

"I know, but it's making my job very difficult."

"Talk to me. I'll get you the help you need."

"That seems like an awful lot of work."

"But, it's what we'll do," she assured him.

About a week before the full moon, Remus' sniffling started to get wetter. It had already been figured out that the other sniffles were mainly due to the new scents around him. But, these were wet, slurping sniffles that were, more often than not, leading to snorts and chokes, if he didn't blow his nose in time.

Zia winced as he snorted, but pushed him hard none the less, and he lived up to it. His research didn't waiver and although he was wearing down, he wouldn't admit it.

"Kewplew! ITchssh!" He sniffled and snorted until he choked and started coughing heavily.

Zia sighed inwardly. They'd only done about 15 hours thus far, and if he got sick now, he'd never make 35 hours.

"Isshh!"

But, he was sick and she knew it. And although she was typically understanding and sympathetic, the snorting, sniffling, sneezing and coughing were starting get rub her nerves raw. Especially, when every time she tried to concentrate, he'd snort again.

"Ih-heh-Itchssh!" he sniffled liquidly a few times, and kept working, sniffling every few seconds.

She slammed her quill down. "Bless," she said through gritted teeth.

"Thanks," he whispered wearily.

"Blow your nose, Rem," she instructed gently. She smiled to herself, 'Sooner or later we all quote our mothers.' She remembered hers saying the same thing when she was a child. Just as when she was a child, she reminded herself that he wasn't sick on purpose and that he was used to her being much more sympathetic.

"Sorry," he whispered. He was starting to remember why he hated working in an office setting. Even the most caring had short fuses when concentrating. He blew his nose fully, using up several tissues in the process. He winced not only because of his raw red nose, but because he knew it sounded disgusting.

"It's alright," she replied.

Pretty soon he was sniffling on each intake of breath and sneezing intermittently.

Finally, Zia's nerves popped. "Rem, do you need to work from home?

"Am I annoying you that much?" his voice sounded clear and Zia realized that he knew he was getting on her nerves.

"No, I'm just making sure," she lied. "You done with those reports?"

"Just about."

"Good. I have to go take them over to Arthur."

"Tell him I said hi, won't you?"

"Of course," Zia said collecting her work and itching for a short break.

"So, what do you think?" Zia asked.

Arthur reviewed the information again and scratched the back of his neck.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's perfect. The research is thorough and the logic sound…" he hesitated. "But, Remus is about steps ahead of where we are. We're still trying to figure out what muggle device caused the injury. He's been proving why the injury was caused by a silver spoon with an unnaturally sharpened edge." He paused again. "Including the way it was probably sharpened."

Zia groaned. "Okay, I'll take it back to him."

"How's he doing?" Arthur asked as he handed her the report back.

"As well as can be expected."

"What do they have him in, a wrist or ankle?"

"Neck."

Arthur's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh."

"Yea."

"And how's he doing with that time of the month approaching?"

"Same. Nose is acting up. And he's weary. He says hi, by the way."

Arthur smiled. "Tell him I said hi back."

"Certainly." She rubbed her forehead and turned to go.

"Z?"

"Yea?"

"Try to be patient with him, alright?"

"I'm trying."

"Remember, he's not used to you in this capacity. You're not as sympathetic here as he's used to you being."

She looked at him with hard eyes. "I can't do what I do here."

"Just be nice. Remus is putting gout great work – even though he's not feeling well. Give him a break, huh?"

Zia gave him a half smile. "I'll try. Thanks."

"Heh-eh-EPSHOO! Esshoo! HEP-TCHOO!" Remus sneezed harshly into his handkerchief, and flew his nose fully.

"Bless you, Rem," a gentle voice soothed from the doorway.

He looked up and saw Zia, her soft eyes speaking volumes of concern, though her lips were set in a straight line.

"Thank you," he replied, wearily. His throat hurt badly and he could feel his sinus' filling again.

Zia walked past her desk and put the reports on it. "How're you feeling Rem?" she asked, quietly.

"Okay."

She looked at him skeptically.

"No, really." He turned from her quickly. "Het-shoo!" _'Snnnddt!'_ he snorted and turned back to her. "Some lady cabe by looig for you. She 'ad an abundance of liliad purfum ond." He blew he nose again.

"Trigger your allergy did it?"

Remus nodded miserably.

"Do you need to go home?"

He shook his head. He would put her job on the line because of his allergies.

"Good, because Arthur and I have some questions about your research."

Remus' face fell. "What's wrong wid id?"

"Nothing. I wish everything I came up with was this good."

He beamed.

"I have one question about it though."

"Okay."

"How did you surmise the weapon of choice? All I told you was we had a dead werewolf and showed you the pictures."

"It's all explained in my research."

"But, I need you to bring me through your initial thought process that drew you to that research."

For the better part of the next 2 hours they debated the weapon. But, in the end, everything looked right.

"All right. I'll bring it in. But, where would they look for such a weapon?"

Remus shrugged. "Not our problem."

Zia smiled. "Good point. Hey Rem, what do you say to joining me and Arthur in reconstructing the weapon?"

"Sure. Kes-PLew!"

"Bless." She sighed, and forced herself to say it. "Do you need a nap?"

He looked at her, frustrated and surprised. "Yea," he finally admitted.

"Here, I need you to get these for me," she said handing him her personal chore list. "It should take you about two hours."

He yawned and shivered. "Thangs."

In exactly 1 hour and 45 minutes, Remus returned looking more rested but rather pale.

"Thanks having the supplies dropped off in my office. That was super," Zia said the second she went to get to get him.

"No problem."

"How's Sev?" she asked, when they got back to their office.

He frowned. "Not good. Lower than I've seen him years."

"Crying?" she asked nonchalantly.

"And worse."

She shuddered at the thought. She knew what that meant. She had scars on her wrists and neck from several of her 'worse' moments. "He's going to be alright until you get home tonight?"

Remus nodded. "And I held him to it." With that he held up a Promissory Ball. "If he does anything drastic this will start singing Runaway Train."

"Okay. Those things are the best thing Remembral ever came out with."

He nodded.

"Alright, let's discuss the meeting. They liked it. They really really liked it."

"Where's Sev?" Zia asked as they stepped though the fireplace.

"Bedroom I reckon."

"Do you want me to stay tonight?" Zia built up the courage to ask.

A look of relief crossed Remus' face. "Would you mind?"

"Not at all." Zia sighed in relief. She knew all too well what brought Severus down. And she knew he couldn't care for Remus the way Rem would need it. "How about I make you two dinner? Any preferences?"

Remus looked exhausted. "Soup. He won't want to eat. And, honestly, I don't feel well. But, do feel free to make something more for yourself."

"Soup it is," she said and started towards the kitchen, as Remus went into the bedroom.

When the soup was ready and on the table, she placed a quick warming spell on it and knocked on the bedroom door. Hoping they were both asleep, she opened the door slowly. Remus was asleep on the bed, snuggled against Severus. Severus was awake, however. Wide-eyed with tears sliding down his face, Severus lay staring into space.

Zia understood. She had been there. She remembered.

"Hey," she said, quietly entering the room.

Severus blinked, but didn't respond otherwise. It was okay. The blink was enough.

"You know it's over right?" she asked tenderly, as she sat next to him on the bed.

He blinked gain and another tear dropped down his face.

"Oh, Severus," she soothed. She looked deep into his eyes, and he watched as her eyes turned into black pools and opened his mind to her – willingly.

She watched as he berated his soul for the things he did as a Death Eater, as a Slytheran, as a boy. He berated himself for permitting himself to lured, mislead, bossed around and picked on. He thought himself weak, unworthy of love, unworthy of life.

Zia felt deep within her training. She knew what she had to do. Reaching beyond the forgiveness point, she undid the barrel of emotions. She felt it unhinge and felt Severus begin to sob.

'Damn,' she thought as she released his mind and held him tightly. Her original training as a soul healer taught her how to unleash the emotions so that the body could heal itself – generally in dreams. Her advanced training taught the body how to forgive and forget. She had a hard time returning to her original training – and this seemed to be somewhere in between.

He latched to her tightly, sobbing uncontrollably. Remus stirred and looked at them blankly.

"What did you do?" he asked Zia.

"It didn't work."

"You tried to heal him?" Remus asked, sleepily, still trying to figure out what was going on.

"I tried to pave the way."

Remus raised his eyebrow. "Really? But, you haven't done that since -."

"Before the first rise of Voldemort."

"And this is?"

"Unhinged – sorta a midway point."

Remus looked exhausted. Dark circles had appeared under his eyes.

"How're you feeling?" she asked him as she stroked Severus' hair. "It's okay, Sev. Let it out. It's okay. You're safe here. Shhhh, you're safe," she soothed quietly.

"I have a headache that's trying to split open my skull."

"Need help?" she asked him, still rocking Severus.

He looked from her to Severus and back to her. "Nothing personal, but you've already done a bang up job on Severus, and I don't need that kind of help."

"Fair enough," she answered, as she felt her heart twist. That one hurt. She hadn't meant to do this, and she had taken care of Remus' headaches with herbs, massage and food loads of times.

Severus cried himself back to sleep, and Zia laid him down.

"Do you want your soup?" she asked Remus. "It's still warm."

"Sure, he whispered. His headache was getting worse and he wanted eat something while he still could.

Gently, she helped him off the bed. He was wobbly at best, proving that he was getting sicker.

They ate mainly in silence. The steam from the soup tickled Remus' nose. "heheeh" but the sneeze wouldn't come. A few spoonfuls later it happened again. "eh-he-eehh…" But, it too backed away. He held his napkin to his nose to catch the runs, afraid that if he sneezed his head would explode. Finally, his soup was done and Zia was clearing the dishes and giving them to the kitchen for cleaning.

Then they struck. "KesPLEW! Itchoo! Hitch! Isshh!"

He felt his head try to explode. He couldn't see. He couldn't hear. He felt some hold a napkin up to his nose and a hand at the base of his skull. "ITesshh!" he sneezed again. The grip tightened and the pressure started to release.

"Blow," he heard a voice instruct him gently. He did.

Slowly, his vision came back and then his hearing. The pressure was no longer in his head or at the base of his skull. In fact, he was no longer sitting at the table, but lying on the couch. "What happened?" he wondered outloud.

"Shhh. You passed out. It's okay. You're safe now." It was Zia's voice, but unlike he'd ever heard her. She sounded distant, quiet, hurt.

He almost remembered saying something hurtful to her, but he couldn't remember what. "Did I…say something? I…told you…asked you?... not to … touch me?" It was a question based on a half of a memory. He looked at Zia nervously.

But Zia's eyes flashed gold at him. Something they only did when she was really angry. "You needed it Rem. I'm sorry." He voice was steely.

"No, don't be." He wracked his brain to figure out what he said – grateful that the pain was gone. "Thank you."

"It's nothing."

But it was something, and he knew it. But it was so tired.

"Go to sleep Remus."

He nodded and felt himself drift off.

The next morning, Remus was already awake when Zia opened her eyes. She didn't recall falling asleep, but apparently she had.

"Here," Remus said, offering her a mug of triple chocolate hot chocolate. He was already dressed for work.

"Thanks," she took it. "You don't have to go to work, if you're not feeling well. I'll cover for you."

"Nah, no need. I feel fine." It was a lie, but he didn't want to admit to anything else.

Het-CHOO! ahhh…" Remus sniffed wetly.

"Bless you," Zia said as nonchalantly as she could. She knew that he was feeling worse and should be home resting. But he still refused to admit it.

"Do you have those reports," she asked timidly. The next case they had been given had to do with the abuse of a werewolf child. She knew it had to be killing him, reading about the silver burs and other types of torture this child had t endure. But, she also knew her boss was right who better to lead the project that someone who'd been there. To her own relief, he insisted that he was part of her team – not the other way around.

"Not-naa-n-hartchoo!" he blew his nose with a loud honk and groaned. His head was throbbing and he was so sore he could barely move.

"Bless." Zia sounded tired. 'Well, of course,' he mentally reprimanded himself. 'She stayed up all night, tending to the two of you.' Remus had been up on and off with a migraine that threatened to split his head open. Whenever he woke up, Severus was talking to Zia in hushed tones. At least once he was certain that Severus was crying again. But, the second he tried to figure out what was going on, he unleashed a sneeze that almost made him black out again.

He sniffed wetly, again.

"Rem, do you want to go home?"

"Yes," he admitted. "But, later. First we need to work on this." He got up and went to her desk. It hurt to move.

"Here," she said handing him a gold wrapped cone. "Don't worry, it's chocolate."

He smiled brightly. "Thank you," he said as he let the sweetness melt in his mouth.

"You alright Rem? I know it's close to that time of the month, and I know this case can't be easy for you." Concern shone in her eyes, and she placed her hand on his.

"I will be, but thank you."

"You just tell me if this gets to be too much. We'll work from home, if we have to."

He shook his head. "I'm okay, but stay close today. Please."

Zia smiled, and nodded. Remus was a pack animal, and the alpha male at that. In a weakened state he felt safest with his pack around him. She felt honored to be considered one of his pack. And she promised herself that she'd take care of him.

"He has to work from home."

"But, why? He's doing such a great job."

"He's sick and we don't like presenteeism. Remember?"

"Good point. Just report in as you can."

When she got back to the room, Remus wasn't there. She quickly became reabsorbed in her work. _Kthundk!_ She looked up, startled.

"Sorry," Remus mumbled, rubbing his shoulder.

"Take the corner too tight?"

"Y-ehhh-heh-Eatchoo!" Heatchoo!" The sneezes were wet and huge and exploded out of him at break neck speed – literally. His head snapped forward with each one, and he missed the first one completely.

Zia closed up her workstation and then his. "Come on. Let's go."

A dejected look crossed his face. "Am I being sacked?"

"No, but it's time to work from home." She grabbed their research and threw it into a box. "Come on." They walked slowly, each step seeming to be full of trepidation and pain for Remus. The longer they walked the more he leaned on her. The more he leaned on her, the more comforting energy she flooded through his body. The more comfortable he felt, the more he let the sickness overtake him. The more ill he felt, the more he leaned into her.

By the time they got him home, he was too ill to walk to bed. So, she placed a weightless spell on him, gathered him into her arms and took him there. As she placed him next to a sleeping Severus, he coughed lightly. Severus stirred awake.

"Is he alright?" Severus asked quietly.

"Mmmm Hmmmm," she answered, replying only in soothing tones. "He's just over pushed himself. He should stay in bed until his transformation, and then some."

"And the 35 hours?"

"I've got it," Zia said, as she tucked them both in and went into the other room to get started.

Twelve hours later, she was still sorting through Remus' research. She couldn't do her reports before she had his. While her goal was to discover how the muggles had the knowledge to not only identify but harm the werewolf, his job had been to notate the ways the child had been harmed. He had come up with a few very thorough hypothesis, but she could tell his stream of consciousness had been broke, and she didn't know how – or where- to pick it back up.

She awoke both of them for soup for dinner, and gave Remus his potions. But, both drifted back to sleep almost immediately.

'Good,' she thought as she dimmed the lights and went back to work.

Suddenly a hand on her shoulder made her jerk awake. She glanced at the clock. She had been asleep for almost four hours. She didn't remember falling asleep. She looked behind her. Severus stood there trebling slightly. His hair was wet and he was wearing a fresh set of sweats. "Severus, are you alright?"

He nodded silently and sent her a picture of her in bed asleep.

She shook her head. "I can't. There's just no time."

He nodded and sent her another picture. This time it was of him working beside her.

"I'd love some help," she said with a smile.

He sat down and she explained the case and that she couldn't figure out Remus' thought process. He looked over the information and began writing furiously – right where Remus left off.

A wave of relief washed over her. She had already put in 20 hours towards her 35, and now Remus was well on his way to reaching 32. The rest of the hours could be made up during the week, no sweat. She looked up and noticed that Severus was shivering. His wet hair, which was pulled back into a ponytail, was dripping onto his shirt. "Sev, here," she said, putting a blanket over his shoulders.

"Thank you," he whispered so quietly she thought he could have sent it telepathically.

Suddenly, she felt an odd feeling come off of him. "What's the matter, Sev?"

He sniffed and rubbed his nose lightly.

"How're you feeling, Sev?" Re rubbed his arms gently and combed through his hair with her fingers. She very cautiously sent warm healing energy though his body. His breathing started to get deeper, and Zia wasn't sure whether he was going to sneeze, cry, or both.

"I need you to do it again."

"Do what?"

"What you did the other night."

"No, I can't." She remembered him sobbing in her arms. "I can't, you know I can't."

"You can! Remus doesn't understand. I need to cry. I need to release. I need your forgiveness – the kind only you can give."

"Well, one out of three ain't bad," she responded.

"I want to feel, Zia. Only you can do that. Please."

Zia took a deep breath. She remembered the before times, when a much kinder, gentler, more loving her healed the tortured. Literally. She had such a depth of compassion that she frequently worked with those who had been abused or tortured. Sometimes she even got to work with people who chose to disappear within themselves. But, those were rare occurrences. After all, it wasn't her specialty – at that point. She knew she had to unleash a part of herself, long since hidden, to give Severus what he was asking.

She looked into his big brown eyes, so scared and hurt, and she opened the floodgates.

When she pulled out only a few minutes later, she felt different – worried, concerned, but confident – a trio that she hadn't felt in quite some time.

Severus looked dazed, tired, weary, but no longer hurt. Awkwardly, he poked her side.

"Eep!" she exclaimed, not expecting the tickle.

He grinned – a little. But, then the corners of his mouth twitched. "HarASH!" he sneezed into a cupped hand. His head snapped forward and his shouldered hunched over. He wiped his hand off on his pants. "'scuse – harESH! me."

"It's okay," Zia responded, with a gentleness that hadn't touched her voice in almost 20 years.

"Sev?" a tired, yet strong voice asked.

Severus sniffed then smiled. "Hey." Then they hit. The emotions behind the floodgates. The twisted hatred, hot anger, cold burn of the past. Before he could stop it, Severus was consumed by irrational, illogical sobs and shrieks – the likes of which he'd never succumbed to before.

But, Zia had seen this reaction before. Not from Severus, but from others – when the damage ran so deep that there were repressed emotions. With the release of the pain came the release of the emotions. Quickly, deftly, gently, she restrained him murmuring soft words.

"What did you do you evil witch!?" Remus yelled from across the room, as he drew his wand on her.

"Remus, calm down. It's totally normal," she stated as evenly as she could.

"Don't leave," Severus began to sob. "Don't leave…Remus!" he screamed.

Within seconds Remus was by his side, but his wand was still pointed at Zia. "I'm here. I'm right here," he soothed. The congestion had not left his voice, but the flush in his cheeks had started to dissipate.

"I'm sorry. Don't leave. Please, don't leave. I'm sorry."

Cupping Severus' cheek, Remus said, "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. It's alright." With cold steely eyes he turned to Zia. "What did you do?"

"I did what he asked," she replied, still holding him tightly.

"You're not a soul healer Zia!" Remus yelled at her. "You used to be once, but you're not anymore. You've been trained to hurt. You're bad and dark. You _are_ a dark witch. Get out of our house!!" He started growl at her and the wolf within flickered in his eyes.

"Remus, just relax. This is normal. He'll be fine."

"He'd be fine if you did it correctly. But, you can't and you know it! I hate you Zia! I hate what you are and who you killed when you became it. You sacrificed the good for the bad and now you're spreading your evil to those who don't deserve it!" And, with that, he pounced on her, with the grace of the wolf within, and shoved her to the floor and away from Severus. "Get away from him! Get away!"

He tried to hold her down, but he was just weak enough, with fever, that Zia was able to scramble backwards. He bared his teeth at her and snarled.

Zia knew he smelled her fear. She had seen the wolf turn him over once before, when it wasn't the full moon. And, she was certain that with this amount of rage in him, he would kill her. But, for his sake and Severus' she forced herself to remain calm. "Remus, you're sick. Please remain calm. Go back to bed. It'll all be a bad dream in the morning."

He swished and started to flick with a, "Stupif-aH-Chew!"

She forced a sneeze on him and dodged out of the way of the spell.

Severus reached for Remus. "Rem, st-stop. HAR-esh! She's a friendly."

Neither Zia or Remus moved. Remus started to swish his wand again. Not taking any chances, she spiked his fever so high and fast that he dropped to his knees. "Attchew!" he sneezed wetly, and felt his head begin to throb again.

She carefully helped him up and, despite his protests, tucked him back into bed. Then she waited until Severus calmed down and tucked him into bed as well.

"Zia stop!" Remus yelled in his sleep.

Zia moved to his side of the bed and cooled him off, gently, with a cool compress. His fever had spiked on its own – even after she released him. He had been sleep talking all night. She had been worried that he'd keep Severus awake, but Sev was too exhausted. He'd slept through every one of Remus' outbursts so far.

"Hush no," she soothed. "It's alright. You're both going to be all right."

His eyes shot open and he looked at her. It was obvious he didn't recognize her. "Death Eater!" he screamed and punched her in the nose.

She screamed and fell back, wiping the blood from her upper lip. She quickly went to the bathroom and set some potions and nonverbal spells in motion. She felt the tingle of her bone starting to heal and watched it wiggle like a bunny's.

She heard Severus call for her. Then him ask, "Rem, what did you do? You what?! Zia?"

As she cleaned herself up, she called back that she'd been just a minute.

"What do you need?" she asked, coming back in – trying not to look at Remus.

"You to go away!" Remus shouted at her. "You're evil!"

She tried not to let them see the hurt. Remus never meant what he said, and half the time he didn't even remember. She just had to keep reminding herself of that.

"Rem!" Severus snapped. "I know you don't feel like yourself, but Zia didn't hurt me. She did exactly what I asked. I want to enjoy life. I want to enjoy you. And I can't afford a real soul healer. She's the best we have, and the only one I trust. Don't chase her away, please. For us?"

Remus looked down, suddenly bashful. "You mean I… For no reason? Oh, Z – I'm so sorry."

"It's nothing," she assured him, as the swelling in her nose started to go down.

"It is," he said, suddenly sounding remorseful – like he remembered who she was, and what he had said, all at the same time.

"Hey, at least you didn't bite me." It was meant as a joke, but it came out bitter. She was almost certain that was exactly what Remus wanted to do, and it scared her.

Remus looked at her, hurt, demur, a far cry from the predator he had been earlier. "I would never!" He paused and tried to remember. "Did I try?"

"No," she assured him. She forced a smile. "You were just trying to protect your own. There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I did something. I know I did. I'm sorry. Whatever it was."

"Why do you know you did something?"

"Because you said I was trying to protect my own. You _are_ part of 'my own'. And if you didn't include yourself in that statement that means I was being protective against you – not of you. Hetshhoo!" Severus handed him a tissue and he quickly tended to his nose.

She felt tingly, like she wanted to scream and cry both in forgiveness and in anger. But, she repressed it with a smile. "It really it okay," she said to him gently. "How're you feeling, Sev?" she asked, turning her attention away from him.

"Never better." He sniffed. "Though I think I'm starting to come down with a c-cold – HarESH!"

"Bless. In that case, I'll take my leave," she said matter of factly. She'd had enough, and needed to unwind badly.

"Before the moon?" Remus asked, startled by her abruptness. He remembered being angry, and he knew he broke her nose, but he didn't remember any more than that. But, by her reaction, he could tell that he'd done something regrettable.

"You'll be fine, Remus. Besides, I've learned from experience to never forget what a man says to you when he is angry." she assured him, and she left.

"Do you think I hurt her that much?" he asked Severus.

"I know you did." Severus had never seen Remus react like that. He remembered every instant of the situation, and he knew he had to tell Remus the story – the whole story for him to understand.

The day after the moon, Remus thought he heard a woman's voice.

'But it couldn't be,' he thought. "Z?" It hurt to move, breathe, think. He couldn't feel anything but the pain.

"Shhh. You're all right. Severus is here. I am here. Just rest. "

Remus smiled softly. "Thanks Z," he said, as he drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

"Why did you come back?" Severus asked, handing Zia a cup of chocolate tea.

"Glutton for punishment I guess," she whispered, taking a sip.

Severus frowned. Zia had done a lot for both of them during the previous month. Between getting Remus a job and getting to the root of Severus' depression, taking care of both of them as they were ailing, and making sure Remus was cared for during his transformation, she had done more than her fair share.

In return Remus had lashed out at her with fever induced hatred.

And, because of it, Zia had shut down to both of them.

Remus had apologized, several times. But, Zia had not opened back up. That's not to say she stopped helping them. In fact, she still worked diligently with Severus regarding his demons at night. But, she had left them before both of them were fully recovered – a sure sign of the pain that she was in.

The heard a sneeze from the bedroom, followed by muffled coughs.

"He's up. Go to him," she instructed, Severus.

Normally, when she gave instructions they were directive. These were wimpy, listless even.

Severus sighed and went to Remus. There had to be a way to help Zia get to the bottom of her pain. But, he was not a healer – ever. That was her function. He was a spy and he was married to a fighter. They had always relied on Zia to heal them. Which meant they had no concept on how to heal her.

"Did I hear Zia out there?" Remus asked, his voice still hoarse from his transformation.

"Yea, she's been in and out since your transformation. Thank goodness. I'm still not strong enough to provide the level of care that I usually do." He sat heavily on the bed. "How are you feeling love?"

Remus sneezed wetly. "Same," he replied stuffily.

Severus nodded and brushed Remus' hair back. "Least you're fever's gone."

"Do you think I still have a job?" Remus croaked.

"You do," Zia said from the door.

Remus smiled and waved her in. She shook her head. "Not my place," she said, staying in the doorway.

"You're welcome," Severus said, smiling at her.

She gave him a polite smile back. "No, I'm not."

Both men looked at her oddly.

"I won't attack you," Remus croaked. "Even if I could …"

"Remus, we've talked. You've apologized for that. It's not about that."

"Then what?" Remus asked.

It hurt Zia every time he spoke. It obvously pained him to do so. "Don't speak Remus. You're not well enough."

He coughed harshly. "'m well enough," he said pushing himself into a sitting position.

Severus leaned over, helping to make sure that the pillows supported him well, and that the blankets came up high enough.

"What's going on, Z?" Severus asked. "You can't hide it from us. We know you too well."

"When the leader of the pack is sick, only members of the pack can get close. In human terms that means when the alpha male is sick, only the trusted can come in their bedroom," she stated plainly.

"You 'elped me during the transformation," Remus said.

"You were so out of your mind, I could have been Peter and you wouldn't have noticed."

Both Severus and Remus bristled at Peter's name.

"Oh," Remus' breathing starting to grow heavier. "Hek-kesssh!" he sneezed wetly.

"Bless," Severus and Zia said in unison.

Remus blew his nose stuffily. "So, why can't you come in? You're not Peter. You're Zia, my most trusted friend – and healer."

"You mean healer and friend," she corrected.

"No… I mean friend and… hessshh! healer."

Suddenly, an idea dawned on Severus. He remembered helping Zia with Remus' work. And Remus coming out – calling her dark, saying he didn't trust her, saying she wasn't a member of his pack. "Oh. I get it." He turned to Remus. "You rescinded her pack rights. You said she wasn't a member of your pack anymore. Called her dark and evil. Said you hated her. THEN you attacked her."

"You just said I attacked her," Remus said, accusingly to Severus.

"It's all I recalled. It's all I thought there would be."

"I can handle an attack. But, if I'm not welcome… if I've lost my pack… I respect that."

"It's not the way it is, Z," Remus said.

"It's okay Remus. I understand," Zia said, seemingly not hearing him.

"It's not."

With a 'pop' she apparated away.

"Crap," Remus said. "We're the last remaining people that she trusts. She never did trust the kids… except maybe Neville. Everyone else she considers suspect – even the Weasleys."

"I know," Severus said. But, he also knew the pit of despair she was probably in. Feeling like you've lost everything is almost as bad as losing everything. And it's even harder to gain back the feeling of confidence and security. "She's depressed, Rem. And she's despairing."

Remus sighed. "I figured as much."


	3. Healers Blood

When Zia appeared in her living room she swore. She had nearly splinched herself getting out of there. Tears streamed out of her eyes. 'It's not like that,' he had said.

"Then what the hell is it like,Remus?" She screamed at the top of her lungs. "I did everything for you! Anything to keep you smiling and you still don't trust me!" She cleared her throat, raw from the expulsion of pain.

She crumpled on her living room floor sobbing hysterically. She had lost her family. The last of the people she even remotely trusted.

Her chest heaved, painfully, trying to take in air, but it was alluding her. She coughed and snorted and continued to sob with a resolve she didn'tknow she had in her. Finally, bleary and exhausted the tears stop, the pain stopped, the caring stopped. She felt nothing, mundane. She felt like she had slipped between two dimensions – one where she had a job to do and one where she had dissolved away entirely. "I don't exist," she muttered, her voice rough from the screaming. "Finally, I don't exist… finally…"

She smiled as an idea came to her. She sniffed and wiped the wetness from her eyes with her sleeve.

She pulled out her wand and swished it at herself. Calling out Severus' favorite spell from Hogwarts, she felt her chest rip open and blood start to seep through her garments.

'That was quick,' she thought as she dropped to the ground dizzy. 'I finally don't exist.'


	4. Found

Remus felt cold. Very cold. Too cold even for a fever.

He rolled over. "Sev?" he mumbled.

"Mmm?"

"Go check on Zia," he said.

Exhausted, Severus lifted his head off the pillow. "Excuse me?" he asked, his voice deep and soft with sleep.

Remus sat up. "I mean it, Sev. Go check on Zia. I don't know why, but I just can't get her out of my head."

"She's upset, Rem. You're a soft touch. No harm of me going in the morning. But, there could be harm if I go now, scare her, and she puts the killing curse on the intruder in her house." He let his head fall back onto the pillow.

The mattress shifted and he muttered, "What now?" When there was no response, he lifted his head. Remus was changing into sweats and a jumper.

"If you don't go, I will," Remus said weakly.

Severus growled in protest. "All right!" he exclaimed. "I'll go. Just get back into bed. But, if I die, I'm blaming you."

Knowing Zia's wards wouldn't hurt a friend Remus nodded. "All right. I'll remember that," he said letting himself fall back into bed. He sniffed wetly. He had wanted to go to work the next day, but feeling the exhaustion overtake him, he knew that wasn't going to.

xxxxx

"I will get him for this," Severus said as he stepped into the fireplace.

When he stepped out of Zia's, he went into a defensive position. But, much to his surprise, nothing happened. Not a ward or charm. No spells. Nothing.

'Not good,' he thought, alert at once. He felt his senses sharpen and he looked around. Candles hadn't been lit in hours. Nothing had been cooked for dinner. And there was a smell – one he recognized. Blood.

"Luminos," he said, and the tip of his wand lit instantly. 'Zia?' he called out mentally, as he crept around the room.

Nothing.

Knowing she was an occulmancer he tried again. 'Z? It's Severus. Where are you?'

Nothing.

Suddenly he stumbled over something. He looked down: a leg.

'Oh, Merlin, they were waiting. She didn't have a chance,' he thought as a bitter anger spread through him. He crept throughout the rest of her flat, making sure that there weren't any unwelcome visitors. When he was certain they were alone, he fell to his knees beside her and apparated back to his place.


	5. Mistakes & Reprocussions

Severus swore as soon as he stepped through the fireplace. He knew he should have apparated, but he couldn't think clearly enough to do so.

He placed Zia on the couch with a small 'plop' and felt the icy feeling of dread spread throughout his body. He was notorious for plopping Zia down, as she called it. There hadn't been many reasons for him to carry her, but the first time he misjudged the distance – and hardness – of the bench he was placing her on, and from then on it had been a running joke. She always responded with an 'oof' and a groan, even if he didn't actually hurt her. This time, she fell like a rag doll and gave him about as much of a response.

He tore down the hallway into the bathroom. The incantation he had done when he found her stopped the ongoing damage, but it didn't heal her the way it should have. When he had done it as a boy or used it to heal Draco, their bodies continued with the healing process on its own. Zia's body should have started that even before he got their. Her natural healing abilities worked on herself even better than on anyone else. 'In fact,' he thought as he gathered up the appropriate potions, 'she should have been healed by the time I found her.'

"Sev?" Remus' tired voice floated down the hall.

'Not now, Rem,' he thought, but didn't have the time to formulate the words.

He knelt down beside her and poured the first potion down her throat, gasping in dismay as the fluid filled her mouth and dripped down the side of her face.

"Come on," he muttered, massaging her throat to force her to swallow. "Please Z…"

"Sev?" Remus asked again. His voice was gravely, but closer and more awake.

"Dammit, not now, Remus!" Severus yelled. He blinked back tears as he dealt with the harsh reality that Zia may not pull through this. He recalled a time when Zia, like him, worked for both sides. How she all but took the sacred vow. How she took care of Death Eaters with the same care that she cared for Dumbledore, Remus, or any of the Order.

He looked at her, she looked tormented.

He was no stranger to death. People may have looked shocked when death took them, but they almost always looked relaxed when their eyes were closed. Even with her closed eyes, she looked tormented, like she was in pain.

Pain.

"That's it," he muttered. It's what was keeping her alive. And, how he would save her. He ran into the kitchen and grabbed salt and bella donna. In a display of sheer will, he mixed the two in water and poured it into her wound.

In response, she shrieked in pain. Her eyes flew open as the fire and lightening coursed through her body.

Remus rushed to her side. "What did you do?" he demanded of Severus.

"I think I saved her life," he said, as he grabbed a pink potion and poured it over the wound, negating the poisonous effects of the bella donna. Immediately, he poured a blue potion over the wound and watched in relief as it started to heal.

Remus fell to his knees. "What did she do?"

Zia stopped screaming, but was crying instead. She sobbed and tried to touch the still healing wound.

Remus grabbed her hands and held them down as she struggled against him.

"Sectumsempra… one of my spells from Hogwarts… I taught it to her because I was afraid for her – afraid that the… of what… healers aren't equiped to duel. Damn!!" He turned around and kicked over the coffee table as he yelled.

"Sectum… isn't that what Harry used on Draco?"

Severus put a hand over his eyes and dug his thumb and forefinger in. He remembered Hogwarts – how Remus and his precious Mauraders tormented him. His mind flashed forward to him and Zia – Jada back then – meeting in the library, both of them seeking refuge there, both from taunts of 'freak'. He flashed forward again to their secret friendship – him hiding her from Malfoy; her hiding him from the Mauraders. Him training her with aggressive spells, but ignoring her offer to teach him healing. "Not necessary," that's what he had called it. Then again: Remus' proposal, which he'd heard about through the rumormill – they had lost touch the year before. Her death; learning the truth about her death; working with her on both sides of the first war; the recovery from the first war; the second war… and now… "Hm?" he asked, as his mind processed Remus' question. "Yea, that's it." He willed the tears away. He was not going to cry. Not now. It wasn't the time.

"You fixed Draco," Remus said, in paniced anger. "Why can't you fix her? Is she not important enough?" He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He knew that wasn't true. With everything they'd all been through since they were at Hogwarts, Zia meant more to him than Draco ever would. "Sev?" he asked in a much more gentle tone.

Severus squeezed his eyes shut, not daring to turn around. He understood why Remus would think that… sort of. He deserved it, really, for not seeing her pain before. The depressed demenor, her statements about coming back being a punishment, and the anguish in her eyes over the belief that she wasn't part of the pack anymore. She was the only original member of Remus' pack that was left. He was probably the one person she considered family – and he had pushed her away, in the most damaging way possible.

'Hours,' he thought. It had taken them hours to look in on her. Whenever they – whenever anyone needed her it would take minutes. Even before people asked, she would often be there: annoying – helping, whatever people called it, she was there, loyally, whenever she was needed. She had apparated out, and it took them hours to want to check on her. And, though Severus did it, it wasn't willingly. And, if Remus hadn't worried, she would be dead.

Tears threatened to leak from the corners of his eyes and he took a shaky breath. 'This isn't the time, Severus,' he instructed himself. 'Now, think!'

"No, Remus. It's not that she's not more important. It's that her healing abilities have stunted when it comes to working on herself. Which means she ... wanted to die. Obviously," he added turning around.

Remus noticed a tear tracing down the side of Severus' face. He wanted to hold him, apologize, but Zia was still fighting him, trying to grab at the wound on her torso.

She gasped and muttered, "Please… what did I do to you? Why?" betwee sobs. "You couldn't just sleep the night like normal people? Why did you have to bring me back here?" Another shock of pain bolted through her and she screamed again.

"The healing will hurt for a little while more," Severus said. "But, you will live." The emotion was gone from his voice. He didn't know whether to hug her or hit her.

"Thanks," she replied sarcastically.

Remus suppressed a sneeze. "Why do you want to die, Z?"

"Hurts less," she whispered.

"Than what?" he prodded, pawing at the tickle in his nose.

"Living. It hurts. It always hurts."

"Hep-tisshesssh!" Remus sneezed wetly, pointing it away from her.

"Just go to sleep Remus. You're in no shape for this…" she instructed.

"I don't think you're in any position to tell me what I'm in shape for," he stated plainly. "You would just leave me? My sole remaining member of the original pack?"

She chuckled, quietly at first, then manically, until her laughter turned into sobs. "Your pack? Your bloody pack? Yea, okay – sure."

Remus whimpered, hurt.

"Rem, go to bed. I'll watch her. I think I have some idea of what she's going through."

"Not going," Remus said with a yawn.

"Then at least set yourself up in the easy chair. I'll do my best to take care of you both."

"Dammit, Severus!" she screamed. "Why can't I get out huh? I don't have ties here anymore! I don't have someone who loves and cares for me the way you two care for each other! I do my job and go home to nobody. And really, Severus, where the hell did this sudden caring for my wellbeing come from? Not a week ago you tried to choke me in anger. And, Remus, you all but bit me when you said you hated me and that I was dark and out of your pack. It doesn't make sense… why can you torment me when I'm alive, and then keep me from dying. Do you hate me that much? Am I that bad?"

She started crying softly. Only her sniffs could be heard.

Tears were in Remus' eyes. "Don't hate you. Love you…"

"Haha," she laughed. "That's the first time I've heard those words in nearly twenty years Rem… but I say them ALL the time."

"You say, 'You're forgiven'," Severus said, kneeling down.

"Only when I'm soul healing."

Remus thought for a moment. "You say it at that point right between awake and asleep."

She nodded. "I do. Always." She craned her neck to look at Severus. "So why keep me alive?" Turning back to look at Remus. "You hate healers. They pester you right?"

'This is why I hate healers.' The memory hit him like a ton of bricks. He hadn't thought about that day in Hogwarts in so long. Something that he had said to her, out of anger and embarassment. She tried to kill herself soon after. It was a memory that he buried away, not realizing it was something that she carried with her every day. "I was young and stupid."

"You were young and honest. So, you trust me know… grand. Now all I am to you is your healer."

"You two were engaged once," Severus said.

"Loved him before the incident, during and after," Zia admitted for the first time in her life.

Severus swallowed. She had spent her whole life being a healer for the Causes. Everyone's healer. The person they could all rely on. But, who took care of her, really? He recalled when, during the first war, nearly the entire Order had the flu – and she diligently took care of all of them – until she passed out from malnutrition and sleep deprivation. And even then, after he had found her outside on the porch, frozen nearly half to death, she got herself functioning and worked until the Order started to recover. He recalled hearing that she disappeared for a few days afterward. But, he never heard if someone checked on her. He recalled hearing her crying during the night, and coming downstairs to tell her to 'shut up' because he needed to rest. 'Who heals the healer?' he asked himself. 'No one,' was his only answer.

He looked down, Zia had stopped struggling and looked as though she was beginning to fall to sleep. "What's my favorite color?" she whipsered to no one in particular.

"Purple," they answered in unison.

"At least someone knows that," she whispered as she fell to sleep.


	6. Plea for Life

Severus sniffed and sat hard on the love seat which was caddy corner to the couch. He shielded his eyes from Remus as he felt tears spill out of them. This wasn't fair. Zia had seen him through the worst of his life. She had lived through two dark periods. She was the only healer he respected. He recalled watching her care for Death Eaters with the same precision as when she cared for him or Remus or Dumbledore. He never knew anyone – other than himself – who could compartmentalize well enough to do her job on both sides, without being found out by the Dark Lord.

He heard the chair Remus had settled himself on creak as Remus started to rise. "Not now, Rem," he growled. He didn't want to be coddled. He didn't want to talk. He wanted to understand what would drive a healer of her caliber to try to kill herself.

He heard Remus sniffle and muffle a sneeze. He knew that Remus was watching him, with those big worried eyes. But, Remus was sick, and he needed care. Care that he was too tired to provide. He had relied on the idea of Zia being there to take care of both of them. He didn't remember a time when he felt so alone – not since Hogwarts.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Remus watched Severus suffer. He wasn't 20 feet away, and yet it was like a universe separated them. He could see tears dripping down his face, but when Severus covered his eyes it meant he needed to be alone. It wasn't often that Severus closed himself off from Remus, but when he did it left Remus at a complete loss.

He was so thankful to Zia for helping break Severus out of his depression. And for getting him a job. And for caring for him after his transformation – even though he threatened her and made her feel unwanted.

He leaned back and tried to blink back the tears. It became difficult to breathe through his nose and he felt his sinus' clog. Tears dripped out of the corners of his eyes and down his face. He snorted, but was too stuffed up. He bit back a sneeze as his sinus' tried to clear out.

Severus didn't respond. He didn't expect him to.

He looked at Zia, passed out from pain and exhaustion. He half expected her to yawn, get off the couch and take care of them. He stared at her intently – as if his wanting it would be enough. But, of course it wasn't.

"Heh-Tesshh!" he sneezed wetly, pitching forward.

Severus looked at him. "You should go to bed," he demanded.

"I should," Remus said, nodding. "But, I won't. We have a bigger problem." He gestured at Zia. "She tried to kill herself," he said plainly.

"Don't you think I know that?" Severus snapped.

At Remus' hurt expression, he tilted his head back. "I'm sorry." He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. He sniffed wetly, and pat the seat net to him, which Remus quickly filled.

"It's not your fault, Severus," he whispered.

"Then how the hell did I miss this? How did I miss that she was depressed?"

"We both missed it," Remus whispered.

Severus forced a smile. "Remus, you're sick. You shouldn't have noticed. She wouldn't have been doing her job if you noticed."

"Ditto," Remus replied sadly.

"So, what do we do about it?"

"Make her feel loved."

"Remus, it's not that easy. Tomorrow, her body will be healed and she's going to want to act like nothing happened. She'll do her best to convince us that she's fine, and then she'll go home and probably try again… though not right away. She'll wait until she hits another breaking point… then…," another sob escaped his chest. "We'll lose her," he finished. He sniffed wetly. "You, Rem. This all hinges on you. She has to know… she HAS TO KNOW… that she is still part of your pack."

"I don't know how. She won't listen to me."

"Do you feel well enough to go to work in," he checked the clock, "four hours?"

Remus swallowed. "Not really. But, I can. I can go in and explain…"

"I did the research with her – all you need to do is bring it in. And, when she panics, tell her you've handled it. Maybe if she feels like she's not all alone in her responsibilities it'll help."

Remus yawned widely. "Mmm kay. Lemme get some sleep. You coming?"

"Nah, I don't trust that she won't try to escape should she awaken."

"There are spells," Remus reasoned.

"She shouldn't be alone when she awakens. I'm not going to sleep either. I can't."

"Sev, are you sick?"

"No."

"I'm sad about this too, but you being unrested doesn't help anybody," Remus reasoned.

Severus sighed. "I need to talk to her Rem. Even if she can't hear me. I just… I can't leave her. I'm plagued with the memory of all the times she has been there while we slept, and I can't – in good concious – leave her when the roles are reversed.

Remus chuckled. "A Death Eater with a concious about his healer." He stopped suddenly. "I'm sorry, Sev. I'm going to sleep before I say anything that causes more damage."

Severus waited until Remus closed the bedroom door before he started talking. "He's right, you know. I am an ex-Death Eater who is very conscious of my healer. You – Z. You're _my_ healer. I made sure that you wouldn't have to take the sacred vow. I made sure that people who had their doubts about you left you alone. I tried to help you whenever I could… but I never heard you cry… and judging by this mess you've cried often." He sighed. "I know that you probably can't hear me – and that you've been busy trying to make sure that Remus and I are okay – but we will help you – all you need to do is ask… and listen. If Remus says that you're still in the pack – you are. He doesn't take those words lightly." He paused. "Look, Z, I know we'll have to prove to you that we're here for your emotionally – and we may hit a few stumbling blocks along the way, but we _are_ here for you. Truly. There should never be anything that is so bad that you feel you need to kill yourself to escape it. I'd rather kill the thing for you. I'll kill anything that causes you harm… well… not Remus. But, anything else. Just wake up, Z. Let us prove that we want to be there for you – the way you're there for us.


End file.
